Blessings

For some reason these past few weeks have been really difficult for me emotionally. Obviously it is really hard for me to be depressed because the highest goal in my life is happiness. However, even though I've been struggling, there are so many people that Heavenly Father has put in place for me. Way more people care about me than I feel like I deserve and I'm so thankful that I have them to lean on.

Our Heavenly Father has also given me so many ways of drawing closer and communicating with Him. My patriarchal blessing is one of my greatest helps in times like these when I'm having difficulties. I love being able to read it and know that it is scripture that Heavenly Father gave to me personally. When I read it I know that he not only loves me, but that he truly knows me and the desires of my heart.

Returning to the topic of people I'm thankful for I again am going to mention Morgan Johnson. She took me to her home in Vegas this past weekend and it was so nice to be in a family environment again, even if it wasn't my family. We went to Hoover Dam and the Las Vegas Temple which was beautiful. We also went to the Vegas Strip, it was really cool for me to see the complete contrast of the Strip and the Temple on the same day. I am so thankful for the standards that I am given to live by. I know without them I would be easily lost in this world. The Gospel is such a great light in my life, and I am especially thankful for it when I'm having difficulties finding happiness.

Aloft

Some days I just feel infinitely blessed. Today was one of them. I had a wonderful 18th birthday. I didn't do anything big or exciting, but I definitely felt the love of those around me today. I can't believe how lucky I am to have born into the wonderful family that I was, and to be where I am today. I don't take the time to truly appreciate it enough. My Heavenly Father has blessed me in more ways than I can comprehend. He has given me an excellent family and wonderful friends. And he has given me this life here on Earth to enjoy with them.
 

I found this quote by Gustave Flaubert that I really like. "The principal thing in this world is to keep one's soul aloft." I was thinking about that today, and realized that while that is true, the way to keep my soul aloft is to serve and love all of the people around me. I don't know how good of a job I do on that normally, but today I felt an outpouring of love towards me. So I hope that it is somehow a reflection of what I give others. My Heavenly Father has given me so many ways to keep my soul aloft and to be happy. This next year of my life I'm going to try to love others more in the way that He loves me.

Farewell

Today my amazing friend Morgan Johnson and I went to Wyoming. Why? To hear our great friend Trent Bennett's farewell talk. The moment he stood up I knew he was going to be a fantastic missionary. Trent just exudes the Spirit. I wanted to cry during his entire talk, both because the Spirit was so strong, and because he is a great friend and I am going to miss him so much! Even though I know he is going to be doing the Lord's work.

Driving all the way to Wyoming for Trent's talk was so worth it! Not only because we got to see him, but because Morgan and I had such a great time on the way, (and way back). I'm going to miss my friend though. I already have had so many leave to go on missions. But I know that they are doing that which our Heavenly Father wants them too. And they are doing, and going to do a wonderful job of following His will. I'm so thankful for the great examples that they are to me. It truly bring me happiness.

Familia

My family makes me happier than almost anything else. They take up a majority of my life.

They're crazy! We all know it. My parents decided when I was 8 or so to become Foster Parents. Our family was already pretty big by normal people standards. Everyone thinks that 5 girls is plenty. Everyone that is except my parents. Over the course of 9 years I have gained 8 little brothers and sisters. I love them all so much. I love what they have taught me. I have learned how to do so many things, and how to deal with almost every emotional problem imaginable. Being the 4th of 13 children I babysat a lot. Even more as I was the oldest at home for over 2 years. Sometimes I resented it, I feel like I have had my fill of babysitting forever, but never could I resent them. I love my adopted siblings so much! They make me smile when I just think about them. I love when I call home and they clamor around Mom to talk to me on the phone. There is nothing like going home and having them jump on you and hug you.

Of course I love my biological sisters too. I love living near my wonderful older sisters Rebekah and Hannah. I love being able to get to know my gorgeous nephew Bronson. And Hannah is one of my favorite people to spend time with. She is hilarious and you are never exactly sure which of wide range of emotions/voices you are going to get. I miss my oldest sister Sarah who is attending law school at Creighton. I'm also quite jealous of her as she is only around 5 1/2 hours away from home. One of the things I wish most is that I could be one of those people who are able to go home weekends once in a while.

My parents are some of the best people I know. My mom is... Well I don't even know how to explain my Mom. To start, people are scared of her. Something that I understand, yet at the same time it completely confuses me. She is one of the nicest, funniest people I know. Sometimes she gets on my nerves, which I suppose is normal. But I also find myself wanting to tell her everything that is happening in my life. Whenever something remotely important happens she is the first person I call. My Dad is kind of a different story. I almost never call him. But not for the reasons you would assume. I miss him so much that every time I talk to him on the phone I cry afterward. He is one of the kindest people I have ever known. He always can make me feel better about anything. He is the reason that I have such a random spread of interests. He always encouraged me to learn about and/or pursue anything that I was interested in. I miss both of my parents so much, in fact I just miss all of my family.

So Close!

In honor of my impending 18th birthday I decided to start a blog. It most likely will not be that fun to read as I am not one of the wittiest people I know. Nor do words I type out ever sound like what is going on in my head. But I figured I might as well.

As I said it is almost my 18th birthday. Only 6 more days until I am finally legal! It's kind of strange though because I calculated it, and on my birthday I will have been here at college for 11 months and 11 days. I would like to think that that qualifies me to be turning older than 18. I've always felt that age should be measured in maturity level, not in years.

While I'm speaking of college I would just like to say that I love BYU. I wanted to come here my whole life, and while no it isn't how I expected it to be, I still love it. I have met so many amazing people, and learned so many great things. It will always amaze me how in college just one thing such as something someone says or one class can completely change your life. That has already happened to me. A lot. Probably the most significant one was my Geography 120 class. I took it Fall '10. Just a General Ed. I wasn't expecting anything special, but it was. That class changed my life. I always knew that I wanted to travel, see the world, and to help people. But it had never really been at the forefront of my mind. That class reminded me, I am now attempting to attain a Minor in Geography. I intend to try to get a job at an international company so that I can do the traveling that I want to. Unfortunately, I haven't completely melded together my love of Statistics and Geography, but I'm working towards it. I will do something that incorporates both of them, I swear it.

Which brings me to my next topic. I love Statistics. Ever since my second year of high school when I took it from the best teacher ever: Mr. Schaul. I love so many things about Statistics. I love the numbers. I love how they can lead you to truth. And I love that I get to be the one trying to find the truth within the numbers. I am such a nerd, and I know it. But I love it. I love that I have a job as a Stat 121 TA. Even though I am still in training. Ughh! Why must it take forever? I am so excited for Summer term when I actually get to start being a TA. I can't wait.

I'm so close to so many things in my life right now. It scares me, I could mess them all up so easily. But I know myself. I won't. Hopefully.